I wasn’t going to go to church this morning. After all, I reasoned with myself that I hadn’t gone consistently in the last few months. I didn’t want to go by myself and be reminded of how alone I am. I thought about how much I loved going to church with my husband and how good it felt when we were there together. I thought about how good it felt when he would squeeze my hand and put his arm around me as we worshiped.
I also reasoned with myself that if I continue on this path of becoming comfortable with withdrawing from others, I will eventually become an island where no one can get to me at all. Hmm…sounds kind of good at times, but not good for my spirit I am sure.
So reluctantly, I got up and got ready, all the while asking God to help me see Him in my life because He seems so distant at times. I know deep within that He is not, but lately I just do not feel it.
As I walked into service, I observed everyone who was around me, aware of myself being unmatched with someone. I know it doesn’t make me insignificant, I was just acutely aware. Then the worship began and the words in the song: “I come as I am,” sunk so deep. Yes, I came even though I didn’t want to. I came alone, broken, afraid of my future, full of worry, but I came and it was a step in the right direction. The energy is always good there at my church. The pastor always seems genuine and his heart seems in the right place, regardless of what other haters may think of him.
The sermon today was about how to be grateful:
1. Alertness: Our eyes have to be open each day to the miracles around us, to the Holy Spirit working around us and in us. If we walk around complaining and only seeing the negative, then we are not alert to what He may be trying to show us every day.
2. Attire: What clothes do we put on spiritually every day? Anxiety? Bitterness? Loneliness? ( Yes, yes, and yes I was ashamed to admit this to myself)
3. Access: Isaiah 52:2 Rise from the dust…remove the chains of slavery. Shake off the dust when someone hurts you or criticizes you. Don’t allow negative thoughts to access my heart. Be armed for the battle!
So, I am grateful today that I shook off the dust and I drove myself to church. It was a timely reminder that I needed to change my way of thinking and get back to the strong person that I know I am. It reminded me that He is still with me even though I do not have a physical human being to squeeze my hand or put their arm around me.
I have the King of Kings within me and I come to Him as I am and He accepts that with more love than any human can…